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How to use NLP and Emotional Intelligence to Overcome Self-Sabotage

“I do not fix problems. I fix my thinking. Then the problem fix themselves.” – Louise Hay


Hey, Max here from The Coaching Room. Thanks for checking out this article. Once you have read it, my hope is that you will have some clarity and awareness of how you can use NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and emotional intelligence to overcome your strategy and habit of self-sabotage so that you can do what is important in your life without getting in your own way.




The Problem

Many people (including myself) are moved to do what is important to them. They want to live a meaningful, fulfilled life where it’s in their power and responsibility to get what they want, whether that is creating a business, progressing in their career or having that relationship but somehow they go about making sure that it doesn’t happen by getting in their own way. Seemingly, the more important it is to a person and the more they want it, the higher the chance of self-sabotage.


Step 1: Getting Started

The behaviours are subtle and are driven by beliefs and frames of reference that we have about ourselves. By learning to recognise them, you can begin to overcome them.

As we explore how to overcome self sabotage using the key areas of EQ, we will map the core components of our NLP Practitioner certification training so that you can see for yourself how you use NLP and emotional intelligence to over come self sabotage by removing self imposed limitations, leaving you open to doing what is important to you.


Step 2: What you can do

1. Self-Awareness (EQ) – NLP; Learn how you do self sabotage, the awareness around why you do it, how you do it and what self sabotage looks like in your world. Learn how to run your own brain or how it’s running you.

This can be anything from the fear of failure, the need for perfection or becoming overwhelmed by the possibility of what you’re doing which can lead to stopping before you start, procrastination or giving up completely.

How is it you are getting in your own way, what is stopping you from achieving what you want?

Learn how you’ve formed and hold beliefs about you (from a younger less mature self) that are informing how you’re showing up today.


2. Self-Motivation (EQ) – NLP; Find out what’s important to you about what you’re doing, what is truly meaningful to you and what to do about it.

This can act as your true source of internal motivation, intention and purpose to drive you to do what is important.

Why? If you’re not clear on your intention then your energy and attention are directed by a motivation by external influences either towards pleasure or pain.

The problem with a motivational strategy away from pain will result in moving away from what you don’t want, whether that is from an unsatisfying job, relationship or level of health until it is no longer painful. Then motivation will dwindle and before you know it, you’re moving back towards what you don’t want.

The motivational strategy towards pleasure will result in moving to what is desirable and pleasurable. While this sounds like it could be a good thing, what tends to happen is the closer you get to it, the less desirable it seems and the energy to move falls off as we look for the next thing.


3. Self-Management (EQ) – NLP; Stop self sabotage in its tracks by learning and growing through being able to manage your own states.

Learn to release yourself from unresourceful frames of mind (it’s too hard, I’m not good enough), states (anxiety or fear) or behaviours (procrastination or perfectionism) of self-sabotage.

Instead you can choose to develop new patterns and potentials that are going to be more resourceful in serving you for a life of possibility, not one of probability.

If you’re experiencing an emotion, what you label it will shift and change your experience of the emotion. Are the labels and thinking behind and about the emotions you are using facilitating your best?


4. Interpersonal Skills (EQ) – NLP; Learn the art and skill of connecting and relating to others through listening and supporting, how to gain deep and instant rapport in relationship to other people and to read the spoken, verbal and semantic space of the communication of others to be able to ask deeply significant and transformational questions.

You only have a self to sabotage in relationship to others. Learning to connect with people relationally will allow you develop people skills and confidence to overcome a tendency for being passive and avoiding new encounters or unfamiliar situations, both personally and professionally.



Step 3: Wrapping up

So, there you have it, how to overcome self-sabotage using emotional intelligence and NLP. Imagine what you would be capable of without any self imposed limitation and what you would be able to achieve when you stop getting in your own way. Now it’s up to you.

We would love you to do that with NLP and particularly with one of The Coaching Rooms short course running over  2 four day blocks. Your power is not in your habits; your power is in your ability to choose

Congratulations! You have made it to the beginning, thank you for reading this far, I hope to see you in The Room!


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